Just like adults, children come in all sorts of colors and styles. This also applies to the way they conduct conversations . While some rush into the house after school and tell everyone everything they’ve experienced, others, when asked how their day was, only manage a curt “good” and then disappear into their room.
If you’d like to learn more about how your child is doing and what’s on their mind, I have a few ideas for how communication might become more fluid.
Conversations with children – that’s how it went for us for a long time
As a freelancer, I work a lot from home, so I’m often there when my children come home from school. At least physically present. Because even though part of my job involves developing and cooking recipes, there isn’t always food on the table when the kids arrive. Call me a bad mother, but cooking at the same time every day doesn’t always fit into my daily routine. Sometimes I simply don’t feel like it.
So my children sometimes just ate a piece of bread for lunch, or a warmed-up meal from the day before. So, at times, it became a habit that after school, both of them would disappear to their rooms to calm down. Of course, I always asked them how they were and how their day had been, but that was fine at first.
My daughter often sought out conversation later. She loves the exchange, and when she feels the need to talk to me in private, she makes it clear. Whenever possible, I took the time, but sometimes I was busy with something else. My son preferred to be close to me, without a detailed conversation. Everything was going well so far, but there was definitely room for improvement.
Conversations with children – The change
We’ve been living in a new house for a few months now, and that alone has led to a change. Upon entering the new house, you’re immediately greeted by the spacious kitchen-living room, practically the center of the property. Here is the large dining table, a small sofa, and the kitchen. From day one, we’ve met here in the morning before the children go to school, but also from time to time throughout the day.
One day, my daughter came to me with a request: “Mom, I want to eat with everyone at least once a day!” Phew, there had actually been days when I cooked for them both but didn’t actually sit down with them. Shame on me! Even as a child, I loved sharing meals together, and that hasn’t changed to this day.
So, her wish was met with open arms. Since that day, I not only prepare breakfast for the children in the morning, I also sit down with them with my coffee, often chopping up a fruit salad. For me, fruit salad is the pure expression of love, but that’s another topic 😉
Shared meals, good conversations
We now often eat together twice, sometimes even three times a day. Even if we’re not hungry at the same time, we at least sit together. And then we all share what we’ve been up to. The children have insisted on it. It’s kind of crazy…
Of course, I realize that in many families, shared meals are standard, often even a compulsion for everyone. As a child, I also had friends who were annoyed by their mothers grilling them after school…
So, once again, the golden mean seems to be the right way forward. Not surprising at all.
How can I get the conversation started?
Fundamentally, I still believe that everyone in the family deserves a little peace and quiet now and then. There isn’t always the right moment to talk about things that are on your mind. I find it much nicer when my children can decide for themselves when to talk to me.
But what do you do if they don’t? What if you only ever hear the curt “good” when you ask them how their day was?
Well, there are ideas and approaches for that, too. It’s not that difficult to get the conversation going. Just change your questioning technique a bit. “How was your day?” can work, but often it doesn’t.
Here are a few questions that might get things moving.
10 questions for more intensive communication
- Which of your teachers do you like best and why?
- Which one do you not like at all and why?
- What did you do during your break today?
- What annoyed you the most today?
- Which of your classmates is particularly funny?
- When was the last time you did something for the first time and what was it?
- If you could swap places with one person for a day, who would it be?
- Which rules at school (or at home) annoy you the most and why?
- Which of your classmates has the best breakfast?
- What are you most proud of today?
This list could, of course, go on and on. But the approach is clear: Ask specifically, not generally. Show genuine interest in your child’s life. This, along with fruit salad, is also an expression of love 🙂
It’s so simple, but it really works in most cases. It’s no different for us adults.
With that in mind: Tell me what you particularly like about my text and what do you find totally stupid? 🙂
Conversation games
By the way, we found several games on Amazon that address exactly this topic:
