A single mother raising a son can sometimes feel like a chef working in someone else’s kitchen.
You know what you’re doing, but everything still feels a bit strange and out of place. A single mother with a daughter may find some comfort and confidence in the familiar (though it can still be intimidating at times).
After my divorce, I thought a lot about how boys play, how they discover their bodies, and how they learn to navigate the world. I wondered how I could help them become good young men. I worried that they might be at a disadvantage because—even though they spend half their time with their father—I am not a man.
But a single mother raising a son is fully capable of doing an amazing job.
It simply takes intentional words and actions. Here are 7 things you can do to raise a great boy as a single mom:
1. Be supportive and warm
Simplify your parenting strategy by focusing on two key things: being supportive and being warm.
Studies show that children whose mothers display these qualities tend to be not only more successful, but also happier.
So, hug your boys often, cheer the loudest at their games, listen when they speak, pray for them, and praise them generously.
2. Speak kindly about his father and encourage their relationship
Imagine this: After your son’s father cancels a trip (again), you vent out loud about how unreliable he is.
Later that same day, when your son does something clever, you say, “You’re just like your father,” thinking of his dad’s problem-solving skills.
Which trait will your son believe makes him like his father? Both.
That’s why it’s important to highlight the good qualities he shares with his father while keeping quiet about the bad ones.
And even if his father is unreliable, your son still needs time with him. A little flexibility in the schedule can make a big difference.
3. Find a physical activity you both enjoy
Boys need to move, and physical activity is a great way to bond with your son.
If you’re tired (and you probably are), throwing a soccer ball around might not sound appealing. But there are other options: bike rides, push-up contests, kayaking, hiking, or even golf.
Choose something you both enjoy, so it becomes a shared experience rather than another chore.
4. Don’t make him the man of the house
It’s hard for boys to grow into healthy young men if they’re forced to “be the man” too early.
Yes, children should learn responsibility, but if your son has to take on the emotional burden of running the household, it can slow his emotional development.
This is known as emotional parentification—when a child becomes the emotional support for a parent. Children should be able to lean on their parents, not the other way around. If a mother leans on her son for emotional stability, he may never truly find peace, because he’s carrying a weight that doesn’t belong to him.
5. Learn what makes boys tick
Boys often process and express emotions differently from girls. They may also show affection and attachment in different ways.
My 8-year-old no longer kisses me, and while it stung a little at first, I learned not to take it personally.
If you expect your son to always react the way he did when he was younger, one of you will quickly become frustrated.
6. Be prepared to leave your comfort zone
I would feel far more comfortable being a cheerleading coach than a Boy Scout den leader.
I’d rather teach a girl to shave her legs than a boy to trim facial hair.
But showing up for your son—even if you’re the only woman in a room full of fathers, or you have to pretend you know what you’re doing—proves to him that you’re willing to stretch yourself and make sacrifices because you love him.
7. Look for good male role models
Positive male figures can be found in movies, books, and scripture. Point out to your son when a man shows character and integrity.
But also, don’t underestimate the value of real-life role models—men who are willing to be present and model healthy masculinity.
It could be a neighbor who shoots hoops with him, an uncle who chats while fixing a tire, or a Scout leader who teaches about honesty and responsibility. These influences can help your son grow into a well-rounded, emotionally healthy man.
These aren’t the only ways single moms raise great boys—but they’re a strong foundation to start from. What would you add to this list?
