You have faced many challenges – pregnancy, birth, the postpartum period and your body’s recovery – but now your child’s sleeping habits are causing you trouble.
But have you heard that there is such a thing as sleep training for babies?
Maybe you have friends in the USA and were amazed when they told you about the sleep training that babies there undergo as if it were the most normal thing in the world?
Or have you come across interviews online with a certain Annette Kast-Zahn, a psychologist who talks about a specific method that is supposed to help babies fall asleep on their own and also sleep through the night for longer?
Have you noticed that there is a whole movement on social media against sleep training for babies and that at least certain methods are not without controversy?
Did you know that around 20 to 30% of children in the West, from infancy to elementary school age, have difficulty falling asleep and, if they wake up during the night, getting back to sleep on their own?
What are the suspected reasons behind this? What causes sleep problems in children?
How can you fight it or prevent it?
What is sleep training all about and what is the normal sleep requirement of children?
In this article, I will explore all of these questions for you and hope that you will learn to recognize your baby’s different needs .
Sleep training baby – sleep must first be learned
After being cared for and protected in your body for months, the baby is not only flooded with a large amount of stimuli after birth, but also has to learn various things as it grows, such as breastfeeding, self-regulation and even a proper sleep rhythm.
Initially, an infant sleeps an average of 18 hours a day, but never for long periods at a time because the small stomach digests breast milk quickly and hunger causes the infant to wake up.
Over time, the baby’s need for sleep decreases and he or she learns the difference between day and night.
Immediate proximity and physical contact between parents are not only a basic need for the baby’s security, but they also ensure the regulation of its body temperature and breathing.
There are many children who can only fall asleep in their arms or in direct physical contact with their mom or dad, and some won’t even let themselves be put down without protesting.
After a few weeks or even months, parents may not only lose patience but also run out of energy.
As the baby grows, there are of course different developmental phases in which the small organism experiences enormous changes and these also affect the child’s sleep, whereby it can become more whiny or clingy.
However, everything is new not only for the baby, but also for new mothers and fathers who are becoming parents for the first time.
It can happen that you miss the first signs of hunger or tiredness in your child and the baby is overstimulated and overtired and cannot fall asleep .
A crying phase begins and the baby needs and wants to be calmed down for a long time.
Experts believe that overlooking signs of tiredness could be a possible cause of sleep disorders in babies.
Another hypothesis suggests that sleep problems are caused by poor sleep hygiene.
This means that the baby does not get enough sleep during the day , there is no fixed daily rhythm that would make it easier for the child to fall asleep, and that the baby does not get enough opportunity to relax before going to bed because, for example, the daily pace is not slowed down.
The third assumption is that the child has simply become too accustomed to the parents’ help in falling asleep.
And it’s precisely this assumption that so-called sleep training for babies is based on. According to its founders and proponents, this is intended to ensure that both child and parents get enough sleep.
Sleep training babies – the self-soothers and the signalers
Science now knows a lot about baby sleep, but the child’s sleep rhythm is still not fully researched and its mechanisms are still unknown.
For example, it is assumed that healthy children as young as six months old are at least physiologically capable of going through the night without feeding or breastfeeding, even though most babies wake up several times during the night.
A 2009 handbook of pediatric psychology published in New York states that one-third to one-half of all children under the age of one are so-called self-soothers, meaning they have learned the ability to calm themselves when they wake up and go back to sleep on their own.
The parents don’t even notice that the child has woken up. Such children can usually be put down to sleep without much effort even when they are tired but still awake.
Signalers, on the other hand, are those children who need sleep assistance in the form of breastfeeding or feeding, rocking, and physical contact to fall asleep, and they let you know by crying when they wake up in the night. This is said to be the case for one in four babies.
Especially children who were accustomed to being breastfed, rocked or carried to sleep in their first weeks of life tend to maintain this habit and want to be put to sleep in this way again at night.
This is probably where all the well-intentioned advice comes from: babies shouldn’t be allowed to be carried around in the first place, otherwise they’ll cry when they go to sleep .
Ultimately, one can observe two camps, into which even professional circles are divided and which have to do with certain images of the child.
This also has to do with the fact that both the research world and the parenting community are divided when it comes to sleep training for babies, and that there is a mix of opinions.
Baby sleep training – What is sleep training and what are the requirements for it?
Sleep training is also called sleep education (sleep is also a matter of education !) and is therefore used with slightly older babies and also with toddlers who have not yet learned to fall asleep without help.
The idea behind all of these methods is that parents do not respond to the child’s crying and screaming, do not pay attention to it, but let it scream, so that the child learns that it should calm itself down and fall asleep on its own.
One blogger has well observed that the word “training” itself is misleading and even irritating.
Training requires a voluntary willingness to surpass oneself mentally or physically.
However, this freedom of choice is not present in children, as they are forced to learn something.
The term “sleep training”, on the other hand, points to an important matter, namely the question of how to understand the nature of a child or even a baby and act accordingly:
Do you view the child with suspicion and assume that it is a stubborn being driven by instincts and even capable of manipulation?
Or do you believe that no baby would demand something that is not one of its basic needs and that it should learn to trust above all in a loving environment?
My advice to you is to answer these questions honestly before you decide to sleep train your child, especially if you are not at the end of your rope but want to act on principle.
All sleep training programs have a prerequisite that must be met and this is especially important for inexperienced parents.
Mothers and fathers must recognize in a timely and correct manner when the child is tired.
Every baby is different and so children will not behave the same when they get tired and the signals can mean different things.
For example, one baby may yawn when they are not yet completely sleepy, while another may be overtired when they start to yawn.
This is important to know because overtired and overstimulated children are almost as difficult to get to sleep as those who have just woken up refreshed.
If the baby or child is very irritable and screams and cries, appears restless even when being held and vehemently resists being put down, then these are already signs of overtiredness.
Paradoxically, when a child is tired, he or she may become more lively, which could be misunderstood.
Tired children are more sensitive to noises, are more easily frightened, become increasingly inattentive and noticeably clumsy due to slowed motor skills.
In babies, tiredness is also noticeable by a fixed stare, avoiding interaction and turning away, arching the neck and back, kicking legs and arms, spreading or stretching fingers, wriggling the body and rubbing eyes and face.
When you see babies’ eyelids droop and they start sucking on their fingers, it’s probably time to breastfeed them to sleep.
Sleep training baby – The Cry It Out method according to Weissbluth
Marc Weissbluth is an American pediatrician who founded a center for sleep disorders in Chicago and advocates the so-called “unmodified weaning,” which is called “Cry It Out” in English-speaking countries.
The method is simple and quite extreme, as it consists of putting the child down while he or she is still awake but already tired and leaving him or her alone all night.
If the child cries and screams, it should simply be ignored except in cases where it is in obvious distress, such as vomiting.
Some even claim that one should not intervene even then because the child could then use vomiting as a means of getting his way.
Sounds unbelievable? But in the US, it’s normal.
You can hear the argument that crying is actually good for the baby because it strengthens the lungs.
One study showed that after three days of using this method, the mothers’ cortisol levels decreased, but those of the babies increased, even if they appeared outwardly calm.
Sleep training baby – step-by-step weaning according to Ferber
Richard Ferber is a professor, neurologist and pediatrician at Harvard University and Children’s Hospital in Boston.
He developed a graduated form of sleep training called the Ferber method, and even a verb is derived from using it: “ferbern.”
The US pediatrician implemented the method on children with sleep disorders in a hospital in Boston in the 1980s and published a book about it, which became a bestseller and was revised over time.
It is available as a Kindle edition in English under the title “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems” on Amazon (published in 2006) and has a surprisingly high number of positive reviews.
In his sleep training, the methods “Check and Console” and “Controlled Crying” are used.
In practice, this means that parents put their tired child down and leave them alone in their own bed for gradually longer periods of time according to a specific schedule.
The Ferber method is also known as the 5-minute cry method.
On the first night, the first check is made after three minutes when the baby cries, the second after five minutes and the third after ten minutes.
Parents should not stay with the child for longer than 15 seconds at a time.
Over the next few nights, the time spent letting the child cry and scream is extended further and further.
Comfort during checks should only take place through persuasion and not through physical contact or even eye contact.
Finally, after about two weeks at the end of the sleep program, parents should even let the child cry for up to 30 minutes so that it learns to fall asleep on its own.
For some children, this method showed results after just a few days, while for others it took as long as four weeks before the children learned to fall asleep on their own.
Many parents drop out of the program early due to the high level of stress they experience.
In the 1990s, this method was made known to a wider public in Germany in a modified form through the book by Annette Kast Zahn and Hartmut Morgenroth “Every child can learn to sleep” (2013 edition) and also became a bestseller.
There are studies that have examined the effectiveness and effects of this method, which I will discuss further below.
At this point I would like to point out that it is astonishing how many parents act against their instincts when advised to do so by an authority figure.
Sleep Training Baby – The gentler sleep training according to Gordon
This sleep program was developed by US pediatrician Jay Gordon, who advocates co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and attachment parenting .
According to this method, parents should choose a specific period of time that is important for sleeping through the night and lasts seven hours at a time.
It is obvious that this period takes place at night, for example during the classic core time from 11 p.m. to 6 a.m.
The sleep program has several phases.
During the first three nights, the baby will still be carried, breastfed, and cuddled when it wakes up, but it should definitely be put down while it is still awake.
Until the child falls asleep again, the parents are there and show empathy.
Gordon interprets the child’s screaming at this point as a sign that he is angry because he doesn’t like the sudden change.
Parents should support the child and help them overcome this unpleasant feeling.
The child is then deprived of breastfeeding for the next three nights.
It may well happen that the child starts protesting loudly again and that successes that were already apparent in the first three nights seem to be destroyed.
However, mothers should still remain firm and not breastfeed the child during the selected seven-hour period, even if it is permitted to hold the baby briefly.
For the following four nights, parents should not pick up or hug the child, even if they are allowed to touch and comfort it.
After a total of ten nights, this method should show its effectiveness.
However, if the child still hasn’t learned to fall asleep on his or her own, parents should simply continue with the last phase until the child can finally sleep through the seven hours.
Gordon believes that the child ultimately learns to understand that he or she is not really left alone, but is loved.
It internalizes the fact that it is safe and eventually feels secure enough to sleep alone.
Sleep training baby – the method of weaning with parents present
This method, known in English as “Parental Presence,” aims to help the child learn to fall asleep in their own bed rather than in their parents’ bed, while the parents remain visible in the same room.
This program is to be carried out for one week, during which the child is put down after a bedtime ritual and the mother or father pretends to be asleep in a separate bed.
Even if the child wakes up and cries in the night, the parent should calm him or her down briefly by talking to him or her, but then pretend to be asleep again.
When the week is over, parents should no longer lie down within sight of the child, but leave the child alone.
When the child cries and screams, the parents return to him and repeat this every 5 to 10 minutes.
Sounds like the Ferber method, doesn’t it?
Parents should now only lie down when they are actually tired themselves.
Proponents of this method claim that children cry less than when using sleep aids, for example, and that after a week they have learned to sleep through the night.
Sleep training baby – camping out or gradual weaning
There are other methods and sleep programs that describe how to wean children off parental sleep aids.
For example, an American mother, Kim West, also known as “The Sleep Lady,” has developed an alternative method to teach children to fall asleep on their own without letting them cry.
In her book “Good Night, Sleep Tight,” which was republished in English in 2020, she describes how to slowly but consistently increase the physical distance from the child over a period of several weeks until the child gets used to falling asleep on its own.
Baby sleep training – The no cry sleep solution or better sleep hygiene
US mother of four Elizabeth Pantley, who advocates for the aforementioned attachment parenting, recommends that parents pay attention to better sleep hygiene for their children and introduce a fixed routine and rituals instead of sleep training.
According to her, weaning off the sleep aid is best done in small steps and without a fixed procedure.
The child should only be put down at the last moment before falling asleep.
But if it wakes up and starts crying, it should be picked up again.
This method can take several weeks and is not as effective as the sleep training methods described above.
In Germany, child and adolescent psychiatrist Karl Heinz Brisch makes similar recommendations.
Parents can avoid the lack of sleep and frustration at night by paying closer attention to their child’s sleep needs and not letting them sleep too much or too little during the day.
Recognizing the signs of tiredness in time and getting the child to sleep accordingly can be helpful for the night.
In addition, children also need fixed daily routines and routines that they can orient themselves by and a good balance between active and quiet phases.
Bedtime rituals, such as reading books or singing, whether at midday or at night, help the child to properly prepare for the upcoming sleep.
Baby sleep training – When can you start sleep training and how long does it take to achieve success?
As already mentioned, the prerequisite for sleep training babies is the correct and timely assessment of the child’s signs of tiredness.
Sleep training baby 6 months – Apart from that, you should wait until the baby is six months old, which has to do with the fact that babies at that age can go a little longer without food.
When should you start sleep training your baby? It should also be emphasized that you shouldn’t expect too much from your child at once, for example, you shouldn’t try to wean your child, get them used to their own bed, and then let them cry at the same time.
According to experience reports, the Ferber method should last from a few days to a few weeks, so on average, success should be achieved after two weeks, provided the parents stick to the program consistently, and they only do so if they don’t feel uncomfortable doing so.
The Gordon method, on the other hand, takes more than ten nights, the weaning method with parents present is said to take around seven days, while establishing better sleep hygiene can take several weeks before results are achieved.
The only real advantage of sleep training is that it is effective and successful in a relatively short time, because children learn to calm themselves not only through sleep programs, which results in more restful sleep and more balance.
Critics of sleep training point out the increased stress, which can even lead to psychosomatic complaints, and that the programs represent a great psychological burden for both parents and children.
Moreover, a baby in particular cannot yet understand why it is better to fall asleep alone.
But before demonizing the supporters and parents who implement such programs, one should consider that for some mothers and fathers it is indeed very distressing when they are unable to recover due to the child’s sleeping habits and are therefore no longer able to devote themselves properly to their child.
Baby sleep training – What do studies say about the effects of sleep training?
The research on the effects of sleep training programs is not clear and cannot really answer whether the training causes damage in the long term or not.
In 2006, 52 studies were evaluated and showed that sleep training is effective and particularly successful when parents do not feel bad about it and remain consistent.
In 2012, another study compared whether there were differences between children who were trained using the Ferber method and those who fell asleep differently.
It turned out that after sleep training, the children showed no abnormalities in either social or attachment behavior and the parent-child bond was therefore not impaired.
In Canada, a study involving 28 children even found a positive effect on the mother-child relationship.
In another study, the cortisol levels of the children were measured after the training and it was concluded that they remained elevated, while those of the mothers had decreased.
In Australia, a comparative study was conducted in 2016 with 43 participants divided into three groups.
One of the groups used the Ferber method, the other gradually shifted the time of falling asleep more into the night using the so-called bedtime fading method, and the third group only received comprehensive information about baby sleep.
The result of the study was the insight that the babies fell asleep more quickly after sleep training, woke up less often at night and showed no abnormalities in either cortisol levels or emotional levels.
The duration of sleep showed no fluctuations.
As far as the mothers are concerned, neither the Ferber method group nor the group with information about baby sleep were more relaxed than those in the group with the bedtime fading method.
The studies have been criticized for examining too few participants to draw statistical conclusions and for having serious deficiencies in their procedures, ranging from the selection of participants to the survey.
Although a few stressful nights do not make up a child’s entire development, the current state of developmental psychology is that all experiences have a long-term impact on our psychological resilience, attachment behavior and self-confidence.
Since there are no long-term studies, some experts generally warn against using sleep training as a disciplinary measure or as a quick fix.
Only parents who have already tried everything and are at the end of their strength should resort to sleep programs as a last resort.
Baby sleep training – is this a solution for crying babies?
There are babies who cry a lot and cannot be calmed down even by direct physical contact with their parents.
This is thought to be due to particular difficulties in self-regulation and in learning a sleep rhythm, increased irritability or a traumatic birth experience.
Some experts recommend sleep training to parents of crying babies to put an end to this problem quickly.
Opinions are particularly divided as to whether this makes sense or whether the baby could be even more overwhelmed and harmed by the additional stress.
Parents of crying babies have it particularly difficult, and especially if they do not receive sufficient support from their immediate environment, i.e. from family members and friends, they should first turn to counseling centers and so-called crying clinics before attempting a program on their own.
Sleep training baby – better not in unfamiliar surroundings and during teething
There are children who, for example, have no problem taking a nap at daycare, while at home they protest against sleeping.
Some babies, on the other hand, fall asleep relaxed at home, but suddenly react differently on vacation or at grandma and grandpa’s.
Especially on a longer vacation, it may be tempting to subject your child to sleep training so that you can relax better at home.
However, in an unfamiliar environment, it is a double burden for the child when he or she is deprived of the closeness that provides a feeling of security.
Babies can also lose their sleep patterns during growth spurts, and teething can be particularly difficult for some children .
Parents may worry that responding to the baby’s increased need for closeness could lead to the child getting used to it and continuing to do so even after the difficult phase.
However, it is not advisable to deprive the child of their basic need for closeness during difficult times and especially in the case of illness.
You should have confidence that the child will return to old patterns after the exceptional situation.
You should also not use sleep training as a supportive measure if you are weaning your child or want to wean them off the pacifier, because this will deprive them of several comfort objects and it could become too much for the child.
Final thoughts
Although science continues to advance and make new discoveries, we still know relatively little about baby sleep.
Researchers have discovered a lot about the sleep phases of babies, but a careful look at the different and often contradictory views of experts regarding baby sleep behavior and the right attitude towards it makes it clear how unexplored this still is.
Since approximately one-fifth of all children in the West suffer from sleep problems and sleep disorders and cannot fall asleep without parental help, there are several assumptions about the causes and different approaches to dealing with them.
First and foremost, it is assumed that inexperienced parents in particular overlook the first signs of tiredness in their baby or toddler, and that sleep problems arise due to overtiredness.
Another possible cause is that parents make mistakes in their child’s sleep hygiene.
The third assumption suggests that a child is so used to parents helping them fall asleep that it needs to be broken.
To achieve this, various experts have developed so-called sleep programs, the most common of which I have presented to you in this article.
It is interesting to note that so-called sleep training has its origins in the USA and that it is considered common and normal there to subject children to such sleep programs so that they become good sleepers.
Certain bestsellers from the USA are now well known and accepted in Germany, but on the other hand there are also critics and even campaigns against sleep training.
The research on this topic is indeed still in its infancy, has shortcomings, and cannot draw any conclusions about the long-term effects of sleep training on children.
It is important that you do not subject your child to a sleep program just because you think it is a matter of upbringing and principle that they should fall asleep on their own, because experts advise that such methods should only be used as a last resort if you, as a mother or father, are suffering from excessive sleep deprivation due to your child’s sleeping habits.
